Ways to Know if Your Child Is Being Bullied at School

By Staff Writer

It's no secret that teens can be moody and less than thrilled about having to go to school every day. But if you notice that your child is extremely hesitant about going to school and depressed or upset when they get home, it may be that bullies are to blame.

More than 16 percent of teenagers have been bullied by other students, causing them to be anxious, afraid and do poorly in school. A large percentage of adolescents who are bullied are too embarrassed or scared to tell their parents, and choose to suffer the consequences in silence. And unless you know what to look out for, you may not even realize that your teen is genuinely afraid of going to school.

Signs That Your Child Is Being Bullied

Bullying is often more than physical attacks, which can be easy to spot. Bullying can also take the form of verbal abuse (teasing or name-calling), emotional abuse (intimidation using gestures or spreading rumors) or cyberbullying (threatening through e-mail or text messaging). When the bullying is not physical, it can be harder to recognize the signs that your teen is being bullied.

The following are some things the U.S. Health Resources and Services Administration recommends you look out for if you suspect that your child is the victim of bullying:

• Coming home from school with damaged clothing, books or other belongings
• Spending less time with friends and being social
• Unexplainable cuts, bruises and scratches
• Acting afraid to go to school, walk to and from school, ride the bus or take part in afterschool activities
• Loss of interest in school work or a drop in grades and performance
• Appearing sad, moody, teary or depressed after school
• Complaining frequently of headaches, stomachaches or other physical ailments
• Having trouble sleeping or frequent nightmares
• Experiencing a loss of appetite
• Appearing anxious and suffering from low self-esteem
• Having thoughts of suicide

Bullying may be so devastating to teens that it causes them to take drastic measures to protect themselves, such as carrying weapons for protection or seeking revenge. The long-term consequences of being bullied as a teenager can include depression and poor self-esteem.

What to Do if Your Child Is Being Bullied

If your teens are exhibiting any of the above signs of being bullied, you should have a conversation with them in order to find out if they are actually the victims of bullying. Don't be afraid to ask them directly, but know that they may hesitate to tell you the truth because they are ashamed or afraid of being "tattlers."

If the direct route doesn't work, ask them questions about who they hang out with at school, why they are so hesitant to go to class and if they have had any trouble with friends this year. Through a conversation about other things, you may be able to draw out the details of any bulling that is going on.

If you have discovered that your teen is being bullied at school, it is a good idea to set up a meeting with teachers and staff at your child's school. Let them know your concerns and what your teen has told you, and see if they have observed either any bullying or changes in your teen's behaviors. If they have seen anything, they may be in the best position to tell you what's been going on and help do something about it.

If you know that your child is being bullied, take immediate action. Be supportive of your child while gathering as much information as you can about who did the bullying, when they did it and where. Never blame your teen for getting bullied or make them feel that they must have done something wrong. Instead, encourage your teens to open up to you by telling them how courageous it is for them to let you know about something that must be so difficult for them to share.

Also, never encourage your child to retaliate against the person bullying them. That will only cause more trouble for your teen and it is not a productive way to learn to handle conflict.

As much as you may want to, don't contact either the child who bullied your teen or the parents of that child. That can make matters worse, especially if the bully denies any wrongdoing. Instead, have school officials make contact and handle the situation. Follow up to make sure the situation was handled appropriately and not ignored.

In addition to stopping any bullying, it is also a good idea to teach your teen ways to avoid being the victim of bullying in the future. Teach your teens to avoid situations where bullying can happen, and the importance of talking to an adult if something does happen. Help them rebuild their confidence by finding activities they enjoy and are good at, and encourage them to find friends who they like being around and who make them feel good about themselves.

It may be that your teen is being bullied because of a learning difficulty or lack of social skills. While that doesn't make bullying of any sort acceptable, it may be necessary to help your teen work on those aspects of themselves that make them more prone to bullying. A school that specializes in teens with learning disabilities or social disorders can help your teen feel a sense of acceptance and belonging and succeed in school instead of worrying about facing the class bully.