Four Back-to-School Tips for Parents of Special Needs Students

By Hugh C. McBride

Most kids don't want summer to end, but if you are the parent of a special needs student, back-to-school anxiety can be much more than a typical case of the end-of-summer blues.

For students with learning disabilities, behavioral disorders, or other conditions that have resulted in significant academic frustration, heading back to school can feel like going back to prison – a place that they associate with fear, anxiety, depression, and failure.

Here are a few steps you can take during the summer months to help your child return to school with a more optimistic outlook, and an increased likelihood of experiencing success.

Tip #1: Acknowledge Your Child's Concerns

A child who wishes for an extended summer vacation is hardly an anomaly. But as the parent of a special needs child, you know that attitudes and behaviors are often symptoms of underlying conditions – and unless you identify and address the root cause, the symptoms are likely to get worse.

• Talk to your child about his attitude toward school, and make sure that this exchange is a discussion, not a lecture. Give him plenty of opportunities to speak, and really listen to what he has to say.
• Lack of control can lead to frustration. To avoid this, make your child a partner in back-to-school preparations. Depending upon his age and maturity level, let him pick out back-to-school clothes and supplies, and have him "help" you establish his school day schedule (when to wake up, breakfast time, homework hour, bedtime).
• Be positive, enthusiastic, and confident. Remind your child of successes that he had in previous years, let him know how proud you are of the work that he's done and the progress he has made, and tell him you're confident that this can be his best year yet.

Tip #2: Address Your Child's Fears

Your child may not want to admit it (and my not even realize it), but her reluctance to go back to school may be due to fear; for example, fear of being made fun of or bullied, fear of not being able to understand the lessons, or fear of not getting along with her teacher.

Every effort you can make to identify, address, and ultimately dispel these fears will take you one step closer to a stress-free first day of school.

• If your child will be attending a new school, arrange to take a "private tour" during the summer. If possible, take your child to her new room and ideally, have her meet her new teacher. Establishing even a small sense of familiarity with the people, places, and events she'll encounter when school starts will go a long way toward lessening her anxiety.
• If your child is worried about encountering students or teachers with whom she had problems in previous years, address these matters on a case-by-case basis. If she will be in class with a teacher she dislikes, perhaps a summertime meeting with you, her, and the teacher can smooth things over.
• For potential problems with other students, help your daughter develop conflict-resolution skills, make sure she knows where to get help during the school day, and tell her that you'll express her concerns to her teacher before school starts.

Tip #3: Go to Your Child's School

Hopefully, the professionals at your child's school are highly trained and well-versed in areas that are important to your child's education. But there's one essential area in which you are the unquestioned expert: your child.

• Instead of waiting for a problem to occur, schedule a get-to-know-you meeting with your child's teachers and counselors to discuss your child's strengths and weaknesses, and to inform them of your desire to work with them.
• Make sure that your child's Individualized Education Program (IEP) is current and that the school is prepared to provide all expected services.
• Join the parent-teacher association or other similar organization, attend school functions, and maintain an active and positive presence at your child's school.

By expressing your desire to collaborate with your child's teachers, and by demonstrating that you have a positive contribution to make, you can develop an effective and mutually beneficial relationship.

Counselor educators Rita Sommers-Flanagan, Ph.D., and John Sommers-Flanagan, Ph.D., addressed this matter in an article that was posted on the website of the American School Counselor Association:

Parents of special-needs children often develop amazing abilities to obtain resources for their children. In our opinion, no other group of parents is as dedicated to their children’s academic opportunities, social and emotional development, and overall well-being than parents of children with special needs.

Typically, these parents have spent years advocating for their children. This is exhausting and often unrecognized and underappreciated work.

Tip #4: Plan for Your Child's Success

Your child may have struggled in the past and may struggle in the future, but this doesn't mean that you can't plan for his success in a manner that is both optimistic and realistic.

• Request frequent progress reports from the school. Many districts only send reports once per grading period, but by the time you find out that your child is having trouble, he may be so far behind that the class is practically a lost cause. Also, requesting regular reports ensures that you'll hear about successes, too – and there's no better way to surprise your child than to "catch" him doing something good!
• Set meaningful, measureable, and attainable goals for your child. Expecting straight As or perfect attendance may be setting the bar too high, while establishing an objective to "do better in school" is too vague to be helpful. Start with small objectives (such as "study for 30 minutes every evening" or "don't miss school this week"), reward appropriately, and build on these victories.
• Identify tutors and other sources of support before your child has a problem. If you think extra help is justified from the get-go, make regular tutoring sessions part of the weekly routine (which may help eliminate the stigma that being tutored is punishment for failure). If you don't opt for extra help from the start, at least explain to your child that you want to make sure he has every opportunity to succeed, and that you are prepared to step in as soon as events warrant an academic intervention.

Obviously, educating a special needs student is a complex process that can't be captured in a few simple steps. But the issues discussed above can have a significant impact on your child's school-related attitudes, behaviors, and performance.

Of course, some special needs students require a more intensive level of support than even the most effective public school systems can provide. If you believe that your child’s needs are greater than what your local school district can address, you may want to consider sending him to a private boarding school that is specifically designed to provide comprehensive academic and therapeutic services for special needs students.